Korean Fire Noodle Challenge
by Peachy Hikaru
Summary: Total and absolute crack. Sho challenges Ren to the Korean fire noodle challenge. Rated for slight profanity.


Sho cackled over his laptop as he sat in his bed in the dark, the covers pulled over his head. It was three in the morning and he should probably be asleep since he had a recording session the next morning, but this was too brilliant for him to forget about it and just go to sleep!

This is it, he thought. The final showdown between the bastard Tsuruga and himself! This would decide who the better man was, and of course, who would get Kyoko. Now he just had to get the bastard to agree to this challenge, which wasn't going to be easy for him to win since Sho had so much experience eating spicy food.

Cackling in satisfaction, he curled up in his bed and went to sleep.

* * *

The next morning found Sho and Ren both in bad moods – Sho hadn't gotten enough sleep before his manager unceremoniously woke him up by pulling on the sheets so hard he fell on the floor, and Ren, despite waking up earlier than usual and missing breakfast, had just missed Kyoko at the LME building before she left for the Box R set.

It was therefore bad timing (or good, since it ensured that neither of them were walking away from a challenge) that they ran into each other in the lobby of the LME building. Although Shoko and Yashiro both tried to calm their charges and steer them in a different direction, the chill that swept through the room when the two men caught sight of each other could freeze fire, as everyone in the lobby suddenly shivered, despite not knowing what was happening.

Sho's eyes narrowed. This was his moment! Chances to run into that Tsuruga bastard were few and far between, since they were represented by different agencies and were in different fields, to boot.

"Oi, Tsuruga!" he snarled, causing both agents to jump as they noticed the lack of honorific. It could sometimes indicate a close and intimate relationship, but everyone involved in the little display knew better – Sho had dropped the honorific to show his lack of respect for the actor.

"Ah, Fuwa-san, how nice to see you again! How have you been?" Tsuruga did not rise to the bait, instead falling back on his usual mild, polite manner as he smiled so brightly that everyone in the room swooned – although Kyoko would have run screaming from the smile that indicated he was furious and just pretending to be polite.

"I have a challenge for you," Sho stated proudly, standing tall and crossing his arms across his chest.

"I'm really not interested," Ren responded calmly, trying to sidestep him. He succeeded somewhat, and was walking away from the confrontation when Sho added, "This challenge is over _her_ ," the last word dripping with meaning.

Both Ren and Yashiro stopped in their tracks and turned back around slowly. "We're listening…" Yashiro prompted, when it appeared as though Ren wasn't going to say anything to the bleached blond singer.

"We will do the spicy noodle challenge!" Sho said dramatically, causing Ren to snicker inwardly, though he maintained his calm façade to protect his reputation in the highly public place – he was not, after all, as ruled by his base emotions as Fuwa Shotaro.

"You are going to challenge me to eat some spicy food? Over Mogami-san?" Ren asked calmly, to ensure that he had gotten the right idea. When Sho nodded proudly, his nose in the air, Ren's smile grew even more deadly – not that Sho was observant enough to realize it.

"All right then. Tonight, at my apartment. Yashiro-san will give Shoko-san my address, and Kyoko will cook the noodles to ensure that you cannot cheat." With those instructions delivered, Ren stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled away, not letting any of his emotions show, even though on the inside he was screaming with rage at what had happened, and how poorly he'd reacted to it.

Sho, on the other hand, was staring at the retreating figure of Tsuruga Ren with his mouth open, consumed with rage at having his spotlight taken away from him. "That stupid bastard, it's supposed to be my moment! I'm the one who's supposed to be in control!" he mutters under his breath petulantly before stalking away, leaving both Yashiro and Shoko to hurriedly make the arrangements before running after their charges.

* * *

That evening, Kyoko ran down the hall to Ren's apartment, clutching her handbag and a plastic bag from the grocery store. "Oh no, I'm late!" she cried as she checked the time on her cell phone.

When she arrived outside his door, she panted slightly as she knocked on the door. When Ren came to the door to open it, she bowed deeply, holding up the bag containing the noodles. "Good evening, Tsuruga-san! I got the noodles you asked me to, although I'm not sure why you wanted them, I didn't know you like spicy food…" she looked up for a moment and trailed off, the smile on her face disappearing.

"Shotaro, why are you here?!" she demanded angrily, her eyes narrowing. He folded his arms and stuck his nose in the air, looking down at her. "Kyoko, nice to see you could finally make it," he said sarcastically.

Flames seemed to erupt from her body. "Shotaro – " she hissed furiously before Ren coughed and gave her a dazzling smile. "Would you come in, Mogami-san?" he invited, moving away from the door so that she could enter. While she wasn't looking, he shot Shotaro a warning glare over the top of her head.

When Kyoko and Ren were both kneeling at their usual spots in front of his coffee table and Shotaro was leaning against the counter, Kyoko asked again, "So why is Shotaro here?"

Ren smiled at her. "Have you ever heard of the Korean spicy noodle challenge?"

Sho sniffed as he interjected haughtily, "Of course she hasn't; she's completely pop culture illiterate!" He then had to shrink back slightly when both Kyoko and Ren's heads whipped around to glare at him. Kyoko's demons and Kuon's aura made for a rather intimidating atmosphere in the room.

"I have heard some of the girls talking about it at the Box R set. It's these Korean noodles and… oh, you mean – " she trailed off as her gaze fell onto the packet of noodles on the coffee table. "But… why? And if those noodles are really so spicy… _Shotaro, you better not throw up or crap yourself._ "

Ren smiled at her as he pet her head, while Shotaro stiffened in affront and gaped at her. "It's a challenge between men. Would you please help us prepare the noodles? You know I'm hopeless in the kitchen and I don't trust Fuwa-san not to cheat."

"Oh… okay then!" she gave him a sweet smile and got up, the noodles in her hands. As she walked past Sho to the kitchen, she sent him one more angry glare, just for good measure.

While she was in the kitchen preparing the noodles, Sho moved to the coffee table and kneeled across from Ren. "I hope you're ready to embarrass yourself and lose, bastard," he snarled.

Ren gave a dazzlingly evil smile. "Embarrass myself? I highly doubt that I could lose to the boy who cried while eating the spicy ramen back home. Kyoko even said it was her favourite, and you can't finish it because it's too spicy."

Shotaro's brow twitched. "That was a long time ago, bastard! Besides, this time I have ample motivation." His eyes drifted to the kitchen, where Kyoko was currently draining the noodles and transferring them into two bowls.

Ren followed his gaze. "As do I," he said softly as he watched Kyoko moving around in the kitchen. She looked up and caught his gaze and smiled at him, and he couldn't help but smile back.

Then he and Sho locked gazes again and the tender moment was over. By the time Kyoko returned with the two bowls of spicy ramen, the atmosphere was so tense in the room that she quickly deposited the bowls and chopsticks in front of the two men before backing away quickly, worried that she might lose a finger if she wasn't careful. Sho was glaring with all his might at Ren, and Ren, in response, had turned up his evil smile to maximum wattage, in full Emperor of the Night mode.

"Um… so the prize for finishing the noodles first will be this refreshing glass of milk!" Kyokosaid nervously, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Sho smiled lazily. "And a kiss from Kyoko," he added in a drawl, leaning back against the couch as he propped an elbow on a knee.

"And a what?" Kyoko gasped, looking to Ren to help defend her, since he was the one who had said that she had to maintain her purity. She got no help from him, however, as he just continued to give her that smile that incinerated her eyes.

"That's so not going to happen, Shotaro…" she protested weakly, confused by the open animosity between the two – surely rivals for the title of Japan's Top Idol wouldn't be so overwhelmingly hostile towards each other?

"Anyway… begin!" she cried as both men picked up their chopsticks.

She had to admit that it was a slightly comical sight, both men puffing as they shoveled the extremely spicy noodles into their mouths, never breaking eye contact from each other. Sho was the first to pause after swallowing his first mouthful of noodles, blinking away tears as he sucked in a breath through his teeth. Ren smirked at him as he went straight back in for another mouthful of noodles, although the burn was affecting him too as he sniffled.

By the third mouthful, the burn was coming in in full force as Sho's eyes streamed with tears and his lips were swollen and throbbing. Ren wasn't faring much better either, as he held a tissue in his left hand while he ate with his right, dabbing at his eyes and nose occasionally. Neither of them were slowing down though, and Kyoko had to marvel at the determination of both men, especially Sho, whom she knew had an extremely low tolerance for spicy food and could never finish a bowl of spicy noodles.

"Fuck…" Sho muttered as he blinked back tears, glaring at Ren as he silently hoped that he would give up soon. Looking into the deadly gaze of the bastard, he highly doubted that it would happen though. He felt a little comforted though, looking at Ren's face, which was flushed and sweaty as he hissed out a breath through his teeth.

As painful as it was to finish, both men were determined and were soon at the last mouthful of noodles, which seemed the most painful since the spicy taste had had a chance to develop into its killer aftertaste in their mouths. Their gums and lips were almost numb as they chewed the last mouthful of noodles just a little before swallowing… at exactly the same time.

"It's a… draw?" Kyoko said disbelievingly, a little stunned at the intensity of what she'd just witnessed. Both men's heads whipped around to glare at her. "What." They said it simultaneously, eyes narrowed.

Kyoko stepped back a little, suddenly afraid for her own safety. "It's not a big deal! I'll just go and get another glass of milk…"

Both men were currently in too much pain to protest, so they just waited for her to bring the carton of milk back out and chugged their milk the moment it was placed in front of them. After the burn started to subside, though, Sho got a devilish glint in his eyes. "There is the matter of the other prize…" he said suggestively.

"I _did not agree to that!_ " Kyoko exclaimed furiously, but to no avail as Ren started getting a predatory gaze in his eyes as well. She sighed. "You both are ridiculous. Why are you so fixated on that silly stipulation? Would either of you be happy if I kissed you both?" she asked rhetorically, knowing the answer would be no, at least from Ren, who had made her promise never to kiss Shotaro again.

Both of them grunted as they glared at each other, and said in unison, "It's time for another contest."

Kyoko, now more confused than ever, just stared at them.

* * *

 _I... have no idea what this is. I was up late at night watching youtube videos of the Korean fire noodles challenge and somehow I got this idea... honestly, I cackled the whole time I was writing this like a crazy person, so I hope you enjoyed this too._

 _On a side note, I've made a tumblr page for fanfiction stuff (same handle as this username) so if anyone would like to come chat, please do so! I'll be posting things like ficlets, new fic ideas and other random stuff so come say hi and check it out if you're interested!_

 _Lastly, since I'm writing more now I'm actually looking for a beta - if you're interesting in beta-ing my stories please do send me a PM! I know it's like super late for me to be looking into getting a beta but I would really appreciate it._

 _Love,_

 _Peachy Hikaru_


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